I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
