god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
