your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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