he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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