I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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