I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
