Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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