YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
