I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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