Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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