your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
