She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
