were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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