Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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