A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
