'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
