just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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