just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
