We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
