The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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