If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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