remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
