neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
