I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I want is dick and wine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
