Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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