We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize