I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
