and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
