Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mom said you looked used
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize