Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
