It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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