My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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