You know, be my cock's hype man.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize