Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
