When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
