When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
