I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
