dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
