im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
