I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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