Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
