i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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