Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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