I can tuck mytits in my pants
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
