My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
