Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
