if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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