why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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