My hand turned me down
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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