guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
