He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
