I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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