Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
