Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
