she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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