how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
