Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
