We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
