Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
