he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My cat gives me a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
