I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
