just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
