and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
