Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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