Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
