he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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