Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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