Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
