If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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