oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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