You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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