you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
