i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
