I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
