Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
