just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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